Sunday, October 7, 2012

How do I get my parents to let me have some freedom when I'm home from college?
I go to college on the other side of the country from my childhood home. I go to a liberal school and I have a lot of freedom. I have always gotten good grades and have never been in trouble with the law or with my school in any capacity, and I'm even a student leader. Despite my pristine record and my daughterly, very helpful manner around the house, my parents refuse to let me have any freedoms, despite the fact that I am 19 and don't live in the house anymore. I have a boyfriend that I've been seeing for 9 months now, and I've met his parents and he's met mine. We are going to be separated for 6 months because he is going to China for study abroad and I'm going to Argentina. I want to visit him for 4 days, and I'm using my own money to buy the plane ticket (I had a job at school). However, my parents think it's "too much" for me to want to go visit him, and are making it really difficult for me to go, basically saying that they won't let me. Instead, my mother wants me to stay at home and do paperwork for her for free. I don't even have a car at home, and my parents insist on instituting a curfew, even though I'm in college. I just can't deal with arguing with them anymore. How do I assert myself and stop being under their constant attempts at controlling me at home? Yes, I am living at the house now- I come home for winter and summer breaks. I would have gotten my own living arrangement or been out of state, but I'm only in the states till July, and then I'm in Argentina for study abroad. Also, I don't have a car because they sold it after I went to college, without my permission. And by "freedoms," I mean things like allowing me to visit my friends, having me do other things besides just chores and errands around the house- which my brother does not have to help with at all. I hope that helped!
Family - 5 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
Why going "home" after College anyways? Try to rent an apartment with a friend (to ease the burden of rent and other expenses) and live a normal adult life, and "visit" your parents on occasions. I knew right after College, I couldn't go back home and live the life my parents wanted for me. Get room mates, work it out !
2 :
I can't help but be confused by your question. Do you live in your parents house while writing this, or do you live somewhere else? When you say "refuse to let me have any freedoms," what does that mean? Also, from what you say it sounds like your parents are the reason you don't have a car at home- did they not get you one, or did they force you not to buy one? If you want to be treated like an adult, then you need to present yourself as one. Bargain. If you're upset about the curfew, tell them that they have the right to lock their doors at night whenever they want but that they no longer have control over whether you will be inside or outside those doors on any particular night. If they don't want to be disturbed after a certain time of night, it's their prerogative. As for the plane trip, find someone else to take you to the airport. Although they might be trying to influence you to keep your money for something they might interpret as more important, it's your money to spend or squander as you please. If they don't want to drive you to the airport, then it's not their job. If they're going to refuse you money next year based on how you spend your money now, then it's still your choice between their money and seeing your boyfriend. No matter how things happen, it's still your decision to make. You can be a dutiful daughter and an adult at the same time- just recognize that you can't control their input if they want to make things difficult.
3 :
Try to stay with a friend while your in the area if its only a short time. Get a roommate that can find another person for the apartment to continue the lease. You are 19, educated and clearly capable to make your own decisions. You live in their household but you are legal age. If you were to make a wise decision to go out with friends against their will what will they do? If you can no longer stand how they are talk to them. If a good talk doesnt work for the situation you have no other choice but to not be dependant on living there temporarily. You will have to find another place.
4 :
If things are so bad and you want your freedom, then that's easy. Get a job. Pay for your own school, bills, supplies, utilities, etc. Get your own place. Simple. They can't tell you what to do or how to spend your money and you don't owe them anything. If that is not something you want to do then you're going to have to deal with the issues at home. They are paying for college and you get to come back to a home with a family there for you when you feel like it. You don't have to pay rent...but you get to do chores. Don't you think you owe them at least that if not more? You don't pay for anything and yet you are acting like the child that you still are and you want to have your freedoms at home. Pay rent, utilities, your own food, etc and work that up with your parents and then you will be able to have your freedoms and show how responsible and adult you are. I think they have a good point about not visiting your boyfriend. It's only been 9 months and you're 19. That isnt' long enough to get to know someone and you are still very young and have some growing up to do. What happens when you go to see him and you get in a fight or he acts like he doesn't know you....you'll be stuck in an unfamiliar place alone. Not a smart idea. Save the money for that apartment, paying for school, bills, etc and saving up for a car. By the way......many people don't have cars and they manage to get to work just fine. If you want something bad enough, you fight for it and do whatever you can to get it. As long as you are under their rook, you have to obey their rules. It's very simple. They aren't controlling you. They are being your parents and caring about you. If you don't want that........well, you know what to do by now. Freedom costs money. You also will go a long way with you parents if you cut the attitude and begin to grow up and appreciate them.
5 :
I think you need to assert yourself a little more and basically tell them that your going, you deserve to go, and they are not going to to stop you. My God, girl, you sound like the child of everyones dreams and they are giving you a hard time about your freedom? I think they need to take a good long look at your track record and act accordingly.



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