ARMM: March 2014

If you are a parent could you answer? Desperate mom here?
I need major advice. I am from Santa Fe warm and wonderful... my husband moved us to Durant Oklahoma 4 years ago. We moved when he got a good job. We have a 2.5 year old child. His boss lets us stay in his grandparents old home built in 1942. My husband makes 50-65000 per year and we don't have bills. Cars are paid for and utilities are free. Well this house isn't so bad in mild months, but 110 summers and freezing winters, I just can't take anymore. It is snowing and 4 degrees outside and inside the warmest I can get it is 44-48 degrees without tripping a fuse. The pipes are froze and no way to drink, bathe or flush, so there is a pile of waste in the toilet my husband left this morning. My child is cold, I am cold and my husband sits in his truck or tractor all day warm and socializing and eating out and only comes home to sleep where we have to share a bed all three of us because only one room is warm enough (48). He doesn't seem to care about our future. He makes good money but always eats out and buys his friends food when he goes out and buys like 3 thirty packs of beer a week for him and his buddies and spends ton on diesel so he can drive around and hunt. Today I just left. I asked him to not leave us with no water or way to cook since the microwave is literally frozen stuck but he just says "go to get takeout and water" and tosses me a $20. I am at a friends and I am seriously considering just leaving to go home for good but I love him and deep down I know he loves us too. I just need for my son to be safe and warm. Seeing him try to use the toilet when there is frozen pool in there was more than I could handle. What should I do? *poop not pool I have no money. It is all his. I do have a degree but live in the middle of nowhere so I don't work. He spends it. We only have $8500 in savings but its cash and he has it. No credit cards.
Parenting - 17 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
its rent free, ffs. if you wanna, why don't you check into a motel until the cold weather passes
2 :
Leave. I wouldn't even think twice.
3 :
hey. yea. you did the right thing by leaving. i'm so sorry. that sounds terrible. he sounds like he doesn't really treat you and your son they way you both deserve to be treated
4 :
Leave - it will get him in line. He will need to realize what he is in danger of losing before he takes you seriously and listens. Leaving is the only way to get his attention - he is being extremely negligent towards you and your child. Have your demands ready for him when he wants you back. I think that you will have to move - a landlord that has given you a house for free has made your husband reluctant to demand that his living quarters be livable, and unfortunately, you are getting what you paid for.
5 :
Tell your husband or ask his boss if you can redo the house!! Go to a friends house pls! Your son is probably freezing!! Brrr! Up in Nebraska it feels like -30!! Good luck!!
6 :
first I would go to a hotel, then I would say either you and him move into a better place or you will leave.. this is not unreasonable request .
7 :
Give him an ultimatum, and do not return to that house until the pipes and heating are fixed. With all the money he makes, there is no reason you two shouldn't even be looking for your own place to buy or at least rent! He makes enough where you don't have to live free. What is he doing with his paychecks-hopefully saving them. Tell him to fix the plumbing and heat in the next week or so-stay at your friends or at a motel until then-thenn if it isn't fixed, go home. When/if he finally realizes that you are serious, hopefully he'll fix the house or find a new one, and then beg you to come back. You did the right thing, and leaving is your only option, hopefully temporarily. Those are unfit living situations for your son and you, and you shouldn't put up with it any longer. Men can be pigs, and don't always realize when things are just unexceptable-no excuse but still-give him one more chance. If he doesn't step up and be a man, go home and don't come back until he has lived up to your expectations. Good luck and I hope it all works out for you.
8 :
I'm sorry I wouldn't have stayed this long. If you have no overhead and he makes that much...where is all the money? Why can't you afford to live in a place that isn't a hazard? I'd leave, and threaten have the house condemned because it's not fit to live in, if your husband is to selfish or stupid to see reason. Do you have ANY control over any of the assets? Does the money not go into a checking account or does he just have everything? I'm sorry but this story makes me angry and if it were me...I would have kicked hisass into next week already...say about 4 years ago when I discovered the house was unsuitable for human occupancy. There's no way I'd be raising a child in it. ***************** He's not spending 65000 dollars a year on beer honey. That may be what he's telling you...but it would take a hell of a lot more than three thirty packs a week to burn through that much cash. Whores, online gambling, ebay, drugs. Beer alone doesn't burn through that much money. You've got bigger problems ...and I wouldn't be so sure about how he feels "deep down". A man that cares about his family...doesn't do this. Contact your family, or a friend that's willing to support you and plan for your future, because it doesn't sound like there is one with this guy. It's your responsibility to provide for yourself. It's all fine and good to stay home and have the husband be the provider and whatever...but you can't leave yourself wide open to this type of helplessness. Especially when there's a child to think of. It doesn't matter...it's too late now. But for furture reference. Don't put your life in someone else's hands. AT LEAST have a joint account or a back up account or a stash at home....something. You don't EVER leave yourself helpless to the whims of another. Hows your credit? If it's good, apply for a credit card, use it to get out. ********************* Contact your landlord...it's illegal for him to have you living in a place with no heat and no water. He's also liable for your safety by being a slumlord.
9 :
uhm, by all means.. leave him for good. what kind of man (husband, father) leaves his wife and kid in conditions like those? a deadbeat, for sure!
10 :
Well, to be honest with your husband making 50-65k a year and no other obligations, there's no reason to accept the housing offered by his employer. You're both choosing free accommodations over paying for an updated, working home which you could easily afford. You talk about all the things your husband does with his friends, does he spend equal time with his family? If the answer is no, then that's something that needs to be hammered out, and if it can't be then leaving may be best for you. Added~ Leave. If he's blowing through his income and refusing to provide his family with adequate housing you shouldn't tolerate it.
11 :
The bigger issue here is that he is putting his friends, himself and his beer ahead of you and your son. It's not the cold or the hot, it's the relationship. You need to do what's best for you and your son, and it sounds like getting away from him for a while is the best thing. Stay with your friend for a week, if you can. Talk to family, listen to your gut. Don't make any rash decisions, but also make sure you and your son are safe and warm!
12 :
Leave, at least temporarily. Make him realize what he stands to lose. When (and if) he asks you to come home, demand a new, livable house and for him to be home more often. Really, what husband and father is content with only coming home to sleep? Does his family not matter to him? But seriously, you need to get yourself and your child out of that house. When he realizes what he just lost, give him your demands for living together again (livable home, him home more often, etc.) and do not go back until he fulfills them.
13 :
Hon, sometimes love is not enough. While he is well and comfortable, you are being abused. I am of two thoughts here, so I'll tell you both. The first would be to leave, if this is how your husband would treat you, it is abusive behavior and as much as you may love each other, a person does not allow their loved ones to suffer. Just remember that. That's where love is not enough. Love has to be more, it has to provide well for your family, and he is not doing that. He doesn't seem to care. And if you want to argue that, think of how you would treat him - would you leave him to suffer like you are, would any loving man. It is easy to say you love someone, but a man's actions speak much louder. When you are feeling mistreated, trust those feelings. He is mistreating you - and especially since I see you have no money. The second thought is to contact his employer since you are in the employer's home. And tell him that the living conditions in the home have become intolerable. Now, that can really mess things up with your husband and I do fear a bit for his reaction once the boss knows. You are in substandard living conditions. Hon, do what you need to to take care of yourself. I'd suggest leaving, this has gone on far too long. If you can get your hands on some money from bank accounts, take everything you can get, I mean everything. And take things that you can use or sell for money. I assume you aren't getting money and he isn't giving you much - go to the bank and see what you can get. Go home, be safe. And stay with the friend until you can get this all done. But be quiet about it - don't let him know what you are doing - he's likely to get violent. Please believe me, I know. EDIT: Get out, if he's holding the money - and where is the salary going to????? You know, he should have a lot more cash on hand. On a salary of 30,000 he could save up 5,000 a year, why does he only have $8500. Something is wrong - and does he always comes home.
14 :
With the money he makes per year you all could find a better house. You would have to pay bills, but like I said, his income would support y'all.
15 :
Your husband Sounds like a jackass. For him to treat you and his kid like is messed up. You should just leave his ass and never look back.
16 :
Ask the landlord where you are staying if there is anything that he, or that you guys can do to fix the problems, rather than initially just running from it all. A lot of time landlords will either pay to have their place fixed so you will stay, or they will allow you to make arrangements to have it fixed yourself. Talk with your husband about this as well. Tell him you can't take no more, and unless things around here get fixed, you have no choice but to go back home. That it is unhealthy for your son and you, and you can't do it here anymore. That gives your husband a chance to speak with his boss, and see if anything can be done. If so great! Your living environment will improve, and you can stay near your husband, and be warm! If not then the only other choice that you have is to go back home. At least you are giving him an option to fix things, before just taking off. To me that would be the best way to go about it. Is to give it a chance to get fixed. It may never be a true "home" to you, but that doesn't mean it can't be a nice place to stay for a little while. Good luck, and am so sorry that things are like that for you right now.
17 :
Uh, you DO have money. You are entitled to a minimum of HALF his earnings. You are a team, you are raising his child. It is time to sit down and have an open and serious talk with hubby.

What is a good 'out the door' price to pay for a 2008 VW New Beetle Convertible SE?
I am looking at a new 2008 VW New Beetle Convertible SE in the New Orleans area. Sticker is $26,390. I am NOT going to pay sticker for it, but wanted an idea of how low I can reasonably go on the deal with the salesman. I want him to make some money, but I don't necessarily want to send his kids to college on this one deal. I am trading in a 2002 Hyundai Santa Fe with high miles (150K), a bad powersteering pump and bad brake rotors. Any advice will be helpful.
Buying & Selling - 2 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
Before trade in, you can usually get just about invoice for the car! i got my jetta for three grand under sticker price, which was its inoice. Check on www.consumerreports.com and see what bottom line pricing of the specific car is. My suggestion to you would to not pay any more than 24k, maybe even 23k. Also, check other dealers around you. Although they say that VW won't lower prices much, around this time, some dealrs are so deserate to get cars out, they'll sell them at a price alot lower than average
2 :
The sticker price is a joke, heck even the invoice price is somewhat false as it too has been marked up oftentimes. Most dealers get special volume sales incentives (rebates) for meeting quotes that lowers their cost, plus factory incentives to unload certain models. Rather then driving around town wasting time, the modern method is to email several dealers and ask for their best price on the exact car you want. This will save you time and basically puts into writing the price they are offering. Considering the economy in New Orleans and nationwide with car sales being down, they might be very deseperate to make a sale. http://www.edmunds.com lists the invoice price as $25096(including destination charge) and retail as $26,390. You can request dealer quotes directly through edmunds too.

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