Saturday, January 1, 2011

I'm doing a talk. (Help me to add to it and make it better)?

I'm doing a talk. (Help me to add to it and make it better)?
In my english class we are doing talk here is mine so far I’m doing my talk on Lionel Messi because he shows even if you have a problem or something wrong you can still achieve your goal. Lionel Messi was born on the 24th of June 1987. He had a growing problem and his local team wanted to get treatment for it but they didn’t have the money and released him because they though he would get far. So he and his family were looking for a team in Argentina that had enough money to pay for the operation. No one did until Barcelona came and said they will pay for Messi and his parents to fly to spain and get the operation done, and that happened. They doctors in spain predicted he would stop growing at four feet seven inches but after the operation he sprouted up to five feet seven inches. So he went on to play for Barcelona B he scored 6 goals in 22 appearances then in 2005 he moved up to the first team of Barcelona and he scorred 119 goals in 177 appearances. He has won 63 individual awards including Fifa Player of the year in 2010 and 2009 What can i do to get a higher level it might sound silly but i want a 6A please can you tell me what to add change and do better and do well in talk
Primary & Secondary Education - 1 Answers
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1 :
try to add more details and periods. say it out loud(to yourself or someone else) and see if their are any run-on sentences. When you change paragraphs, try to put sentences in-between to make it not jump from different things he did. tell more about him and also tell things like what exactly awards did he win.


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